refire

leave old job....leave old home...enter new home...engage new life...maintain what matters

Friday, November 18, 2011

An Alternative Home Builder's Week

So you’re to blame.  Yes, you who responded so enthusiastically to my last blog.  Because of you---and the ‘if some is good, more is better’ principle---I will not only real-time document the coming week’s effort to get the House the Land Built built, but I’m really going to break the blogging rules this time.  I will update the same post each day this week.  Amazing how bad a man can get with a little encouragement. 
Though a window factory delay set the project back 3 weeks, a few non-critical path tasks might happen:
Monday:  Begin installing cedar siding.  Complete root cellar ventilation.
Tuesday: Install cistern for storing harvested rainwater.
Wednesday:  Develop plan to build bathroom counter-top from a ‘local slab of wood’.
Thursday / Friday:   Rack solar panels.  Install local limestone on windows sills and masonry heater.
For sure, I will start small fires in the masonry heater several times a day to help dry the mortar. 

Now I’ll find out what really happens.  Talk to you tonight...

Monday
Wow!  For such a buzzing beehive of a day, I personally only had to make a few small decisions. Still, it’s a good thing my little Prius and I arrived before everyone else to light my little drying fire in the masonry heater, because by mid-morning, our driveway looked like a used truck lot.    
In the first truck---a white pickup, so popular in construction---came two guys to install our ‘fat wall’ insulation.  They didn’t need anything from me and I never asked their names.   I did thank them for making the delivered insulation work even though many pieces---huge, 10 inch thick blocks of polystyrene---were factory cut to the wrong size. 
Initially designed to be a low-waste process, I felt bad as sawed remains of polystyrene swirled on the floor like cups outside a McDonald’s.   Thank you, nameless guys, for cleaning up so well.
 In the second truck (actually two trucks:  the big, white boom truck and another white pickup) came Tom the Builder and his crew.  I uttered my polite hello, but all I wanted to do is get a look at the big load of wood on the boom truck:  our cedar siding.  And when I climbed aboard, it didn’t disappoint.  Yes, I nearly got drunk on the smell of fresh-sawn cedar but what really excited me was that it was northern white cedar from True North in Duluth.  Rather than the usual western red cedar, they sustainably harvest the cedar I’m so familiar with, the same that lines the shores of the lakes in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area.  Yet I really didn’t know what it would look like on our house until I returned at day’s end to find Tom siding up around the garage door.  Probably the most beautiful siding I’d ever seen.

In the third truck (you guessed it, white again) came Curt and Micah, the solar guys.  They tore the forms away from the now solid concrete footing and installed horizontal railings for mounting the panels, like one giant erector set.   Well, two actually:  one for solar electric,  the other for solar hot water. 
By lunch I’d finished my few decisions, so I drove to Winona and shopped.  While not totally successful, I did find jigsaw blades to replace the four I’d broken using Tom’s saw yesterday to cut ventilation holes for the root cellar, a project that, as Linda told Tom, nearly drove me suicidal.    I quietly slipped them (and a few extras) into Tom’s jigsaw box them toured the house with him, admiring the day’s work.  He seemed impressed that his guy, Brent, had managed to put the finishing touch, the ridge cap, on our steel roof. 
So was I!

Tuesday
Last May, white wild indigo, like a miniature acacia tree upon our prairie, bloomed for the first time. 
But the frigid winds of November reduced its once proud form to a tumbleweed, now stumbling south, now tumbling north over corn stubble.  Today I discovered how white wild indigo feels.
The day began so smoothly, save for the mud on my tennies after a quick and much needed rain.   I lit my small fire in the masonry heater, then rolled the tractor generator into place while Tom the Builder’s crew returned to beautifying our home with cedar siding.   
Glad to not be needed, I drove back to our little cabin and finished editing two whole chapters of my novel.   In a break between chapters seven and eight, I called Marty at Root River Hardwoods (future supplier of our indoor paneling and doors) wondering if they could build us a bathroom countertop:  a rustic-looking 2 inch thick slab of wood.  Though I’d fallen in love with the chunk of milled boxelder from our Land (see Making Love With the Enemy ) it came up 7 inches short when cut down to usable size.   Expecting to hear ‘sorry but we don’t do that’ from Marty, I was thrilled to find out that not only could they do it in rustic cherry but at a lower price than I’d feared.  Pretty much the first time that has happened on this entire project.  
That thrill propelled me well into chapter eight, until the phone rang.  Plumber Kirk.  I don’t know how he does it, but somehow, by the end of the conversation, I always feel like he’s the boss and I’m taking orders.  Isn’t the customer boss?  Anyway, now I had a ‘to-do’ list:  pick tub, shower and faucets.  My only relief was knowing that our alternative home stole one big item from Kirk’s list:  a toilet.  Tom the Builder already promised he’d custom craft our sawdust toilet.  No doubt the first cherry toilet in Winona County.  The winds already tugging at my roots, I drove back to the homesite for my after-lunch check-in.  Soon I almost wished I hadn’t. 
Tom the Builder was frowning, not entirely happy with the window order.  Not that I could ever make Tom happy when it comes to these windows.  We chose the supplier, Serious, because they claimed to make 50% more energy efficient windows than their competitors, R5.5 versus R3.5  for top-of-the line triple pane.  But Tom, comfortable with the supplier he’s used for years,  always refers to them as “your windows” rather than “the windows”.    And now “our supplier” is not only delaying the project 3 weeks, but Tom’s not confident the order is right.  Still working that.
While dealing with that Serious problem, the poor insulation installers returned to complete two walls.  The insulation supplier hadn’t sent them enough polystyrene.  I love how Tom takes care of us.  He was caught off guard by when they showed him what they planned to install:  a different product.  After much questioning, he determined I was not only getting more insulation (> R40), I was getting it at the same price. 

At the same time as Serious windows and insulation, Excavator Steve showed up to dump two truckloads of rock onto our lawn for the septic drainfield.  He then informed me that tomorrow he’ll install the cistern for storing our rainwater, the only water supply for our house.  Bad news:  Linda will be out of town.  I told Steve that he’d have to somehow make up to her for never getting to see this critical competent of our new life.  He looked more than a little frightened. 
And while all that was going down, I ignored a phone call from Tom Heim, the 77 year old farmer who’d sawed our boxelder with his amazing home mill. 
I’d called him yesterday, thinking maybe he could saw our bathroom countertop out of his own wood.  Now, after dealing with Kirk and Tom and Steve and insulators, I was pretty much ready to just go with Marty at Root River Hardwoods.  I knew they’d do well by us.   Then---and the only way I can explain this is to say that a power greater than myself intervened---I climbed the stairs to the Yoga porch. 

Gazing out, I thought how I could nearly see Tom Heim’s farm, seven hazy miles distant upon the next ridge.  I got into the car and drove to Tom’s. 
Our home is all about one thing:  the great connection.  The connection to the Land.  To you and all our friends.  To our new community, including Tom Heim. 
So now, after sorting through dusty pallets of old and dry wood, I’ve returned home with another option:  a gorgeous slab of maple, felled and milled by Tom Heim himself.  Of course Linda needs to see it before we go forward.  But I’m already in love.  Again. 
How many times can one man fall in love?
Wednesday
Unlike yesterday, today began horribly, then improved until, at last, even I---the energizer bunny as Tom the Builder call me---ran down my battery.  I hope a couple amps remain, because there’s quite a story to tell.
And that story must begin with the horrible.  As soon as Tom the Builder lumbered out of his truck, I could see the writing on his face.   And I could get the source:  the windows.  “Your windows” as Tom calls the R-value=5.5 Serious Windows.  It’s not like Tom to just blurt out the problem.  So, patiently listening, I pieced together the real problem:  the door.  Serious is making one door for us, possibly the most important door, the  all-glass door at the end of the Corridor leading out onto the porch, welcoming you out onto the Land. 
Problem is we won’t get the door we want for another 6 weeks.  Worse yet, Tom lacks confidence that when it arrives it will be what we need.  So we’re bringing in the magician:  Architect Paul.  We’ll see what spells he can conjure.  Stay tuned.
Having nearly bottomed out, I sprung back up like a rising bungee jumper when Excavator Steve arrived.  After 3 years of studying, designing and biting my nails, we installed the storage tank for our rainwater harvest system, the system that will provide us (and you) with all our water .  The moment Steve finished digging the 12’ deep hole off the northeast corner of the house, the big truck backed down our driveway.  On its bed (two beds actually) lay 3 concrete rectangles to be assembled one on top of another like a layer cake.  Except this cake (14’ long,  7’ wide and 8’ deep) will hold 5400 gallons of water. 

Not only will it hold it but it will accept the water that slides down our steel roof, flows down the gutter and gushes in underground pipes until spilling through 4” holes at each end of the tank. A one inch rain will gift us with over 1000 gallons.  A simple pump then feeds the water from the cistern, through a 1 micron filter, into our basement pressure tank.  Drinking water will pass one more time through our Big Berkey, filtering out everything, even Atrazine if present.
Perhaps Steve excellence was contagious, because by mid-day he not only had the cistern installed (except for the water) but everyone else on the project seemed to cruise.  Inside the shed, Electrician John installed the service that will feed backup power from the tractor-driven generator to the basement batteries if the solar panels cannot keep them full. 

And the siding.  Oh the beautiful siding Tom’s crew installs.  All day long I kept making excuses to pass by the tower (as we call the two-story corner of our house)  and gawk. 
Though all is not perfect, I feel blessed to be part of something so amazing.  I can’t wait until you come.  We’ll drink the cleanest, freshest water.  We’ll marvel at the kitchen lights, connected directly to that great light of our solar system.   And we’ll bask in the scent of Minnesota cedar. 
You're more than welcome.

Thursday
What a day!  What a surprisingly wonderful day.  For me yes, but even more so for Linda as I succeeded in withholding from her quite a surprise.  You see Linda works in Minneapolis every Tuesday and Wednesday, so Thursday mornings provide her with a fresh view of the house.  My plan was to totally delight her with what she saw.  And goodness we both could use a little more delight sometimes, especially the kind of delight that only a place called home can provide.  To some degree, we’ve been homeless since March when we began tearing apart our Minneapolis home in preparation for sale.  Though I’m grateful for our little 20 x 20 cabin, its not home. Not like the Land.   Not like the house is already beginning to feel.  And for Linda (and myself) I wanted to bring a little more home to the house.
So, before Linda arrived at the house the morning, I swept.  Pretty much the whole house.  Partially to keep our concrete floors from scratching, but mostly just to feel nice.  Homey.  As homey as a construction site can feel.  In addition to the usual mud and blown in dirt, Styrofoam swirls upon our floor like snow on a parking lot.  Though it sweeps up about as well as a tiny bouncing balloons, I bagged what I could and hid it in the tower shed (the storage space below the Yoga porch and above the root cellar). 

Unlike Styrofoam---debatably the least recyclable material in the observable universe---I create value from all the scrap wood generated by Tom the Builder and his crew:  fuel for the masonry heater. 

Still, “operation delight Linda” needed one more thing.  But seeing as that one thing was out of my control, I killed time by helping Excavator Steve install our septic drainfield. 
While we laid 330’ of perforated PVC pipe into a 3’ deep rock-filled trench, Steve warned me of a potential problem unique to our alternative home:  our drainfield might be more apt to freeze causing the septic to back-up.  Yuck!   Since we our Humanure will be composted rather than flushed, the septic bacteria---the real filter that makes it work---won’t have enough of their favorite food to eat (yes, that’s how the world works whether we like it or not).  And it’s the bacteria that generate the heat (70 degrees even in January) that keeps the septic drainfield from freezing.   Just as I was getting worked up about too much clean water, Linda arrived. 
Indeed she was delighted with the progress on the house, especially the achingly beautiful cedar siding.  But the big surprise had not yet arrived, so I killed time by showing off everything that had happened in two days.  Rainwater harvest cistern.  Fat wall insulation.  Only one thing remained for her to see:  the backup generator service in the shed.  Then what was I going to do? 
But the divine works wonders sometimes (all the time actually but only sometimes I pay attention).  For just as I led Linda out the garage, there stood the big delighter, smiling to see her.  It was Paul.  Architect Paul had come just as he’d told me yesterday.  Big hugs.  Laughing for no reason other than we’re all so happy to see other again.
Two years we’ve worked with Paul to design our dream.  Two trying, wonderful creative years.  And now the dream, mere Paul drawings, were now becoming manifest before our eyes.  And so we reveled as we gave him the grand tour of his imagination.  A few quick and wonderful hours.  Me, Tom, Paul and of course Linda. 

And Linda was indeed, delighted.

Friday
Perhaps it was but the whiff of Friday in the air, for it seemed everyone had a good day today.   We all just did our work and did it well.  With one exception, my work felt delightfully routine:  light small scrap-wood fires in the masonry heater, keep the place clean (though for most part the workers do a great job already), keep the tractor-powered generator fueled and running. 

There was one thing I was hoping to do today---something I’ve been thinking about for weeks now---and maybe today I’d finally get the chance.  But driving back to the site after a mid-morning break,  my hopes were dashed when I saw invasion of the trucks.  Now, in addition to Tom the Builder’s crew was Solar Curt’s crew and Electrician John’s crew.   Surely, I now faced a host of decisions.
Yet when I drove down the hill and got out of my Prius, no one descended on me.  They all just went about their work.  Electrician John skillfully continued installing the service which will bring in power from our solar panels and backup generator.   Solar Curt completed the installing the mounting brackets for our solar panels.
Thrilled with the quality of their work and even more thrilled they didn’t need me, I snuck off on foot.   Over the prairie I strolled.  Feathery plumes of grass---higher than my head---waved at the wind’s command.  And as a plume bent toward me, I reached out my leather-gloved hand, gently stripped off the seeds and dropped them into a blue basket hanging from my neck.  I love collecting prairie seeds.  Such a joy to walk, sit even, and pluck away with abandon, if just for the intoxicating scents alone.  Prairie sage.  Mountain mint.   And oh when I mixed them all together in my blue basket.  Had heaven and earth conceived a divine potpourri, they could scarcely have done better.   
But what made this set collecting outing so special, was that the seeds were not for me.   I’d intended them as a surprise for Tom the Builder.  Tom is trying to establish a 2 acre prairie (ours is 41).  But only the little bluestem grass is doing well.  His flowers disappeared and what’s a prairie without the ever changing kaleidoscope of color.  Tom is so disappointed.  So today, as Tom was sitting with his crew in our kitchen-to-be, eating his lunch, I presented him the blue basket.  It was the least I could do to thank him in a small way for the amazing work he’s done for us. 
The afternoon floated on.  And at day’s end, Linda and I begged Tom to join us up in the shed and gaze out the hayloft door at what he’d accomplished.  That cedar siding.  I still can’t get over the beauty of that cedar siding.  Even Tom, a bit of a stoic, could hardly get himself to leave. 
I hope you enjoy gazing through the hayloft door of this blog.  It’s hard to describe the connection I feel to you.  For it, and the gift of your time and attention, I remain very grateful.
I must say I was shocked to see how many of you kept up with this week’s daily blog (blogger gives me generic stats you know).   Whether I can continue finding the time and energy to keep that daily cadence, I don’t know.   I guess this is the part where I ask you, not only for your opinion on the cadence, but for continued encouragement as well.  The comments, emails and Facebook likes fuel me more than you can imagine. 
But that decision can wait until Monday.  Until then, and as always…
Rah-dur!!! 

Monday, November 7, 2011

An Alternative Home Builder's Day

The Day:  Monday  11/7/2011

6:19 AM  Actually I'm not the home builder, that's Tom Fort and his crew.  But as Tom says, "Mike, I don't know anything about all this alternative stuff.  I need you to manage it."  Building our House the Land Built is my first job during this "refirement" stage of my life.  And this Monday blog is a crucial part of that job, serving both purposes for House the Land Built:  (1) welcome family, friends and community, (2) enable the Connection.  Fortunately for me, I don't know the "rules of blogging" or I'd probably learn that "you should never keep updating the same post", as I'm about to do today.  The blog is the second thing I did today. 

First (as I sat at our cabin's little table shining a flashlight on my granola trying not to wake Linda) I did what all project manager's do: worry.  Here's the areas I'm worrying about today.
-Generator maintenance
-Masonry heater support
-Solar electric trenching
-Kitchen planning
-Wood stacking

Now we'll see what actually happens...

7:53AM Surprised to discover I'm not first on the homesite.   Pearson brothers (Electrician John and Excavator Steve) corral me before I can pull out the tractor and start the generator.  "First order of business," says Steve.  "Gun's in my truck.  Can I take a buck if one comes running over the hill?"    After making that decision in the affirmative, they gave me about 1 minute to make the next:  where do I want the electric lines to enter the house and shed?  They needed to trench in power cables from the solar panel to the house and from the backup generator to the house.  Made my decisions and they got to work.



8:32AM  Worked on moving the wood pile needed to feed our masonry heater this winter.  I'd hoped to stack the wood on the porch, but a 3 week factory delay in windows means snow will arrive before the porch is clear.  I'm now stacking the 3 cords of split and dried wood under the shed lean-to.


8:47AM  Tom the Builder called.  His crew won't be here today (no need for generator).  Made plans to visit his office after lunch to plan kitchen cabinets.  Nothing alternative here, just normal cabinets.

9:03AM  Excavator Steve wants to know where to bury the cistern for storing our harvested rainwater (no well).  Decided exactly where to bury the 5000 gallon (14' long x 8' wide x 5' deep) concrete tank off the NE corner off the house. 

9:21AM  While discussing submersible vs jet jump, excavator Steve's back cramps up for no apparent reason.  He dashes off to chiropractor. 

9:36AM  Bullets whir frightenly overhead.  Jump in Electrician John's truck, drive over the prairie to find our neighbor, Scott, and his blaze orange hunting party tracking a deer.  We follow them down to the road where they haul out a huge buck they took on the border between our Land and Scott's. 

 

10:01AM  Try to stack some more wood.

10:03AM  Helped Solar Installer Curt hang the invertor in our basement.  The invertor is the brains of our off-grid home (no electric line coming in, we produce it all),  controlling the flow of electricity from the solar panels to the batteries, from the backup generator to the batteries and from the batteries to our standard electric panel. 


11:13AM  Pulled trailor back to cabin and filled 30 gallon water tank.  Don't know if Mason Mike will show yet today, but if he does I don't want to be the cause of a delay on our masonry heater. 


12:21AM  Lunch.  Ahhh!  I'm a lucky man to be fed by Linda:  egg and bean burrito with pan seared squash rings.  Still we talked shop:  LED lighting (the only real option for our off-grid home). 

1:44PM  Linda and I drove to Tom the Builder's St. Charles office to plan kitchen cabinets.  Nothing alternative here.  I've gained enough wisdom to mostly just support Linda in getting the kitchen she wants.   After successfully selecting everything except the stain color, suddenly Tom asked me about some other big decisions for which I was unprepared:  downspout placement to support rainwater harvest, drilling holes for root cellar ventillation.  I borrowed some saws to cut the ventilation holes. 

4:05PM  On the way home, stopped at the bottom of our road to measure a downed cherry tree for possible use as a bathroom counter top in case the boxelder doesn't work out.

4:11PM  Returned to homesite.   Excavator Steve, feeling much better after a trip to the chiropractor, had just completed filling in the electrical trenches.  After deciding where best to place the septic tank (standard issue), we stood for a while just admiring the great job his crew had done bulldozing the grade around our house.   Not only will water flow away from our basement, but the Land now rises to hug our home.



4: 27PM Dissapointed that Mason Mike is a no-show.  All that wood is pretty useless without a masonry heater.  Stacked more wood.

5: 24PM  As the early dark descends, Linda arrives with the campsite toilet in the back of the CRV.  Together we unload into the shed what is the prototype for our home's sawdust toilet system. 



5:38PM  Hazy moon.  Almost warm enough to camp.  Linda and I gaze out our "living room windows", debriefing the day and soaking up the dream.

I'm a lucky man.
Rah-dur!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Time Traveler

Aaah Friday, the end of another productive week of house building;  Tom and his crew of two finally seemed ready to attach steel to the roof.    
“Wow!,” I said.  “Looks like you guys can relax for the weekend before you start tinning on Monday.”
You need to understand, Tom is polite.  Winona County polite.  Not only carefully choosing his words, but somehow even managing to control any negative facial expression.  Still, I saw it.   The slight cock of his head, half a degree off plumb maybe.  The blip of an eyebrow. 
“What have I done?” I thought.  “Did I say something terribly wrong?” 
I felt time slowing, as if my life were a movie where all action suddenly freezes, except for me.  I fished down into the depths of my mind, so murky.  “Must.  Find.  Problem.”  With an exhausting effort, I squeezed and twisted my brain.  Finally, mercifully, the water began to clear.  I yanked  on my thought line.  Splash!   Out of the water, it leapt high.  I could see it.  Clear reality.  The magnitude of my folly revealed at last.
“Monday!”  I shook my head.  The movie ended.  I turned back to my life.  “It’s not Friday!  It’s Monday!”
I felt dizzy, almost sick, as I explained myself to Tom.  “It’s because of my friend Heather and her boys.   They’re here to camp.  I forgot it’s their MEA break at school and assumed it was the weekend.”  Tom was great about it, actually, joking it off.   
But I was far from great.    I knew I had committed a ‘work world’ sin:  mistaking Monday for Friday of all things.  Yet that wasn’t the worst of it.  Like the Star Trek android, Data, I was still struggling to recalibrate my internal chronometer.   Time, I was discovering, is so much more than a flashing light on my phone, or an internal sense.  It’s physical.  Visceral.   Soon my entire being remembered it’s Monday, both determined and resigned.   I could have easily sat down with Heather, a former colleague at Medtronic, and gotten to work like we’d done for years. 
I can’t say when I became dominated by time, but even little Mike was  some kind of efficiency freak.   “Best to carry the bowl of popcorn and the book I’m reading and this full glass of milk into the living room all at the same time.”  This served me well throughout school and my long corporate careers at Seagate and Medtronic.  Producing maximum output in minimum time impressed teachers and management.  Oh blessed internal chronometer, light my way with your time display. 
Fortunately for me, a new truth is surging upward, like prairie grasses pushing from beneath, cracking the hard surface of a silicon lie.  For as I said goodbye to Tom and began walking up the driveway to rejoin Heather and the boys, I felt a tingle, growing to a thrill.  My feet nearly floated off the gravel.  I’d done it!  I’d broken free!  I’d achieved escape velocity from the most powerful and pervasive force of my life:  Time.
Until my Medtronic severance money runs out, I’m off the corporate merry-go-round.  Rather than Outlook Calendars and Gantt Charts, my life now pulses with the rhythms of the earth.   Yes, I am here on the job site every day.  But Tom has given me a great gift.  He manages and worries about the schedule so much, I barely have to.  I’m allowed to let go.   
A bud unfurls.  The leaf basks green in the light.  Blazes red.  Falls to earth.  A bare twig rattles.  The great story of life. And death.  And life renewed.    But is time the same for that leaf as for me?    I’m beginning to have grave doubts.
I also wonder if time is really just a character in a story.  A very engaging and useful character, but no more.  And no less a fictional creation of my imagination than Amelan or Emo or any of the characters in my Corridor novel.   Time the tool.  Time the tyrant.  Time my trusted friend, so predictably and reliably there.  And least he was so on Monday?  Or was it Friday?   
This week I continue to revel in an inspiring comment from Brad, a long-time Medtronic friend.   “I hope you do not have to go back to work ever again, and can enjoy Rah-dur.   While I must earn money one day again, I don’t think I could go all the way back to work, especially with all the travel. 
Unless it were time travel.   A week ago I would have thought such a notion comical.  Now I’m not so sure.  I’m imagining what it might mean to float “weightless” in time, as an astronaut does in space.  I’ve only engaged new life on the Land for three months?  What will three years bring?
Maybe I’ll learn there is no such a thing as three years.  Whenever that is, I hope you'll join me.
Rah-dur!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Yoga Hawk

I smeared my apple---picked from our east wilds, some long forgotten orchard now hidden amidst cherries and tangles of gray dogwood---with creamy peanut butter, fresh from the Bluff Country Coop.  “A successful shopping trip,” I smiled at Linda, seated next to me in our cabin’s “patio”, the old wood shed.  Indeed, we’d pretty much found everything we wanted at Fleet Farm:  telescoping apple-picker to snare those high and wild fruits, cedar posts to support our Humanure Hacienda, 30 reflective stakes to guide you down our 1500 foot driveway some winter eve. 
 Linda took another sip of her steaming Roibus tea.  Ahhh!  We were savoring the last of the year’s warmth.  Yet, as we gazed west across the stubble of recently harvested corn, precious day was already slipping away from us.  And somewhere, not far beyond the veiled sun, we could already feel winter peeking over the shoulders of the clouds.
 “So, what should we do now?” she asked me.
I shrugged.  Sometimes, when life is going so well, I intentionally delay.  As if, somehow, I could forever wrap myself in the moment: my apple, her tea, the warm blanket of gathering October clouds. 
“How about Yoga?”  she prodded.  We’ve tried online YogaGlo a few times in our little cabin.  Now lower your leg all the way to the right.  Hers lands on my belly.  Mine is stopped, pretty much vertical, by the bed.  Now, at the wall, kick up into a handstand.  What wall?  They’re all consumed by our “stuff”. 
Linda must have perceived my resistance.  “How about outside?” she offers. 
Something triggers in me.   “How about at the house?  Up in the Yoga loft?  I’ll sweep up the sawdust.”  The Yoga loft:  the name appeared on the first drawing Architect Paul ever showed us of our one and only upstairs room.  I wasn’t even doing Yoga then.  Now, thank to Linda’s prodding, my wonderful teacher Monica, and Ali, our Yoga grandmother, it’s part of me, physically and spiritually.  
“There’s still no walls.”  She was right.  I was imagining handstand, a pose right at the limit of my yogability.  Sometimes, I even get up.  Now I pictured kicking up in the under-construction Yoga loft, banging my heels on a stud, or missing the studs altogether and toppling into a pile of sharp tin.
Linda---perceiving perhaps the ebb and flow of my enthusiasm---pounced .  “How about the east porch?”
“Genius!”   In minutes, we’d stuffed the Prius with Yoga mats, laptop, phones (for mobile hotspot), warm clothes and blankets, camera and wine (hoping for a celebration of success).  Down the cabin’s steep driveway, up Calico Hill Rd then down our long driveway, our home’s new roof just peeking over the ridge as we approached it.   Amidst pallets of steel roofing, we unloaded, after a good sweeping of the east porch. 
Ahhh! The east porch.   That grandest of views, now covered and protected from the northwest winds and darkening clouds.   And there, cross-legged before us, sat Noah Maze, our tiny digital Yoga instructor shining out atop a cooler, asking us to sing our Anusara invocation, the beginning of a level 1:2 class culminating in handstand.  Yes, handstand.  The east porch has one wall of unfinished OSB. 
As Noah gently builds toward our handstand climax, all goes well.  Lots of down dog, plank, arm-strengthening, shoulders-on-the-back, kind of stuff.   Then, just as we’re about to get serious, Noah is replaced by the swirling arrow of death.  The dreaded “rebuffer”.   Dark clouds roll by to the south.  Bare feet go chill. 
“Ok, you lead us!” I say to Linda.
And, after mumbling something about waiting for Noah and there’s really nothing to do, she guides us, wonderfully.   Shoulder stretch.  Shower pose.  L-pose.  Then, finally, we’re ready to try it.  Handstand.  Not only first Yoga class in our new home, but handstand.  We take turns.
Linda goes first.  Begin with table pose:  hands and knees.  Melt the shoulder blades into the heart (ho my gosh she’s so gorgeously strong)  Knees up.  Walk the feet toward the hands until bent like sawhorse legs.  Then, finally, the kick.  She tries so hard.  Kick after exhausting kick, but her arthritic hips just aren’t going to spread her legs apart enough.  I spot her.  Up she goes: a thing of beauty, so straight, balanced inches from the wall.
My turn.  I’m tired.  And scared.  As always.  Maybe more than always.   Table pose.  Melted heart.  Knees up.  My feet walk toward my head.  “What’s that?”  Upside-down, I’m gazing east between my legs.  And there, just over the tips of the tall grass, soars hawk.  He swirls, dives and just where he disappears over the ridge, lightning.  One bolt, sudden and silent. 
I kick.  I’m up.   In the past, I’ve done pigeon pose.  Crow.  Even eagle.  And now, for the first time, Yoga hawk.  Not the pose, mere handstand, but the action:  prairie root to rise.  My hands, rooted into the mat, draw energy up from the Land itself.  And I rise.  I soar. 
Upside-down, heels against the OSB wall, I gaze between my shaking arms.  Past green grass.  Past golden aspens.  Past dark clouds.  To my new life.  It’s here!  I’m engaging.  It’s already here! 
Rah-dur!
 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Making Love with the Enemy

So when did my hatred begin?  I wasn’t born with it, though, as a child, I certainly did not love them either.  Not like the burr oaks with their long, almost scary, arms.  Or the apple, with a built-in ladder to all but its highest fruit.  No, boxelder was a fine tree, certainly better than those ‘suburban’ ash trees springing up in front of every new rambler in Albert Lea.  Yet, when I finally learned to hate boxelder, I suddenly found myself surrounded by nodding heads.  “Damned boxelder bugs!”  Come to think of it, that squishy-soft house invader is the only excuse I’ve heard for hating the tree.     Strangely, I don’t hate the bean field for unleashing the crunchy sand dunes of Asian beetles into my home.
I’d like to blame the Land.  First the Land tricked me.  We first saw the 62 acres when all snow and gray twigs.  “I wonder what all those small trees are?  Dogwoods?” I asked the realtor.  He shrugged.  He knew.  I just know he knew.  And, oh the spring of my discontent, when those all-too-familiar leaves flushed so yellow green.   “Boxelder!  We have 10,000 boxelders!”    
Boxelder choked out our pond, leaving all but a damp malaria breeding grounds.  
They marched out of the forest and onto our grasslands, defying our efforts to establish a prairie. 
And then, ho my then, they dared to shade out our oaks:  our precious, much loved saplings.  Sins such as this could not be borne.
War was soon underway, though the eventual victor was far from clear.  We bulldozed them into log mountains.  We chopped them to pieces with the brush-hog from hell.  We poisoned them: the blue-paint of death.  Along the entire half-mile long northern hedgerow, a legion of hired chainsaws, screaming and smoking, felled them like dominos.  We reserved the worst (or best) for the great mother of them all, whose children trample our once grass-carpeted pasture.  We girdled her.  Stripping a ring a bark, allowing us to watch her slow death as each year another limb succumbs to thirst.  First the mother. Then her children.  Genocide.
I can’t say when, not exactly, but at some point in the war my feelings toward boxelder began to change.  Perhaps it was the first controlled burn on our prairie.  As the flames danced up the grassy ridge, I not only felt the gratitude of the Land---like the first gasp of one saved from drowning---thanking us for restoring her long-last glory, but I perceived the thousands of charred boxelder saplings.  
Boxelder is not at home on the fire managed landscape.  No, my much loved oak is the tree of fire, thick bark shrugging off the flames.  I no longer had to worry about boxelder on the prairie.   
I looked around.  There stood mother tree.
I didn’t really want to admit it, but she was actually quite beautiful.  A rare boxelder specimen, her once lush limbs now look like bones, ghostly white and broken.   Still, it’s a long ways from guilt, acceptance even, to making love.
That required planning a home among boxelder:  the House the Land Built.  “Enable our connection to the Land,” we told Paul Neseth, our newly chosen architect.   Though not explicitly stated, there was a ‘boxelder exclusion’ assumed in that connection.   Then we decided that wood would heat our house.  What could be more connecting than swinging a maul, feeling the thud, hearing the crack and feeling the thrill as the wood reveals its inner secret of colors, swirls and, possibly, ants scurrying for safety.  
Though oak is the hallowed tree of fuel, boxelder deserves a place at its side.   Burns fast (perfect for four-ton, heat-storing masonry heater).  Easy to cut.  Easy to split.  Surprising streaks of red.  And, quick to throw off his coat, he never rots while standing.  Not to mention we have a million of them.  Heat for a life time.  And beyond and beyond and beyond.   Holding hands---or limbs---but not quite making love.
Then came boxelder bear.  Our friend Kevin’s dream come true:  chainsaw art.  “Pick any boxelder stump in the hedgerow.”  So many still remained from the chainsaw legions.    
Physical beauty but still not love making.
That took a horizontal surface.  “A big chunk of wood.”  That was Paul’s suggestion for our bathroom “vanity”.     And wouldn’t it be even more connecting if we chunked it from a land tree?   But only an oak had that girth and we certainly weren’t going to fell one of those.  But love is a funny thing.  It waits, almost rotting, until leaping unexpectedly into your arms. 
I was chain-sawing what remained of boxelder bear’s tree:  16” lengths for future splitting.  All done, save one.  One wide-girthed trunk.  And then I saw it, or better said, I felt it.  Possibility.  Somewhere inside that trunk was something I had to have, had to see, had to free.   Something beautiful.  Something compelling.  Something connecting.  And what more is love than the greatest of Connections?
And now, after a visit to Tom Heim, retired farmer with a love for milling trees, I’ve found that love. 

I never dreamed boxelder could be so beautiful.  All that changed was me.  My perception.  My commitment.  My connection. 
Maybe, if our relationship goes as I hope, she’ll rest in our bathroom, my finger tracing her round and smooth outline.

I hope she waits for me.
Rah-dur!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Cover Your Stuff

The Sawdust Toilet Rap

“Cover your stuff.” One rule’s enough.
To keep the place smelling sweet when you done what you do.
From the sawdust pail, just fill the scoop.
One scoop for one and two scoops for two.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

But when she trumpets: “I want to dump it.”
Then you know you’re in trouble.  What do you do?
Cause under all that dust is one hot mess.
What’ll she say of a week’s worth of pooh?
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

There ain’t nothing for it.  She wants to throw it.
So you take her and the bucket to the humanure heap.
There’s the pile.  Here’s the rake.
Now dig a nice little hole for the stuff to sleep.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

Now the deed of dread has come to a head.
There’s a bucket and it’s heavy; you got to lift it high
Over the heap.  Over the hole.
And when it falls, I won’t blame you if you cry.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

Now the worst is done.  But there’s more to come.
Got to clean that bucket.  Give it a mop.
There’s the water.  There’s the brush.
And when you’re done just dump it on top.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

And oh my dear,  the end is near.
You get to cover all that mess until the smell is gone.
There’s nice clean straw.  Just heap it on.
And let God take care of what we’ve all just done.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

And then we pray, for compost one day,
A garden of full of goodies grown from part of us.
But until that day, we’ll keep doing our thing
In the toilet that we cover with clean sawdust.
Cover your stuff.  Cover your stuff.  Come on down and cover your stuff.

Rah-dur!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Just the Facts

6:06AM     Sitting in shed looking out hayloft door.  Fingertips protruding from gloves feel cold.  Google displays 41F in St. Charles.  Distracted by thermos of hot tea, Orion and unidentified night noises.  
Sunday Oct 2   Sitting in Judson church, alone in the 6th pew on the left.  First time in church since moving to the Cabin.  Communion bread chewy and tasty.  Lynn, mother of Anton who I mentored years ago, sits down next to me.  Discover she didn’t know we’d sold our house.  Felt embarrassed for assuming everyone knows the supposed big events of my life. 
6:29AM   Pink in SE sky.  Dog Star (Procyon) only star visible below Orion. 
April 2004   Purchased 62 acres in Elba township, Winona County, MN.   Though we kept trying on different names for it, all we’ve ever called it was The Land.
6:35AM   Great horned owl still hooting.
Feb 2007   Enrolled 41 acres into CREP program, providing us income from government in exchange for returning the acres to native prairie.  Jagged CREP boundary outlines a future 1600’ driveway to a 2 acre homesite.
6:43AM   Steel rim of thermos cup cold on my lips.  Orion hiding in the growing light.  
Nov 2007   Plant prairie seed into 41 acres.  Many experts tell us our method (no herbicide, drill straight into existing sod) will fail.
6:55AM   Poured more steaming hot tea from thermos into cup.  “Ahhh!”  Crows, well separated from one another, fly overhead and disappear beyond grassy ridge.
Jan 2009   Select Paul Neseth, Locus Architecture, to design new home.  Identify two main themes:  Welcome family, friends and neighbors.  Enable connection to the Land.
7:02AM   Toes cold.   Turn off LED lantern.
April 29 2011   I retire from Medtronic with severance package equaling pay until end of year.   My next source of income remains unknown.
7:05AM              Scott’s horse neighing.  Dakota the dog barking.  Crow cawing.   
Aug 1 2011        Closed on house in Minneapolis.  Moved into 20’ x 20’ rented cabin across road from the Land.  Linda begins working only Tuesdays and Wednesdays in Minneapolis.
7:12AM   Toes even colder.  Tea already lukewarm.
Aug 9 2011       Tom Fort, Fort Building and Supply, breaks ground on new house.
7:15AM
8:16AM
   Just before uploading blog, it occurs to me how facts---no matter how "true"---become a myth as I, the storyteller, arrange them.
Rah-dur!